Everything is Better Sliced

My Snacking habits were revolutionized this year when I discovered the life changing invention that is the apple slicer. Slicing one’s apple is an ingenious culinary technique that is based on the simple yet elegant principle – we’ll call it Kevin’s First Gastronomic Principle – that Everything is Better Sliced.

Your standard apple slicer

Sliced apple is absolutely fantastic for a number of reasons:

  1. Each slice fits perfectly into your mouth. A good apple slicer is carefully and specifically designed to tailor every single slice of apple to fit into your mouth as if it was made to be there. You instantly know this is something that you’re meant to eat.
  2. Each slice represents an undeniable achievement in mastication. It’s relatively meaningless when you take “just another bite” out of a boring old regular apple. Eating a slice of apple, in comparison, constitutes a clear and distinct step whose importance can be instantly recognised. There are only 8 slices created by your typical apple slicer – and you just ate one of them! This is an immensely satisfying and easily quantifiable victory. They say hunger is the best sauce – but satisfaction is just as good!
  3. You know exactly where you stand with slices. There’s no messing around with apple cores and apple pips etc. – there’s 8 slices and that’s that!

Delicious slices of apple

Most other foods are subject to Kevin’s First Gastronomic Principle as well: McDonalds made billions of dollars worldwide by applying this principle to potatoes; bread hasn’t looked back since. Can you imagine eating a pineapple like a regular unsliced apple? I don’t think so! Taking all this into account I think we all have to acknowledge this one simple fact: that food is, quite simply, meant to be sliced.

Sliced bread: rivaling the wheel for the best invention ever

Imagine if there was a food that came pre-sliced for you; a food that knew the importance of slices; a food that did all that essential but hard work for you. It would represent a new paradigm of nutritional practice; a food specifically created for connoisseurs of the slice.

Wouldn’t that be something!?

!!!

NB:

  • Please like my Facebook page! 😀 (Link on the right-hand side of the page)
  • Apple slicers can be found in all good food retailers for the affordable price of only a few euros.
  • Do not use on any body parts.
  • Not suitable for children under the age of three.
  • Apple slices should be enjoyed as part of a healthy and balanced lifestyle.
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