There is a joy in skimming waves. When home is deep and broad azure. For we have carved our welcome here. And we are kings upon the main.
This deck’s more firm than any land; the stars, like faith, they guide me on. The wind uplifts and scours clean. Our sails snap just so, just so.
(And holding fast before it all, this home contains a truth ingrained:)
That should we sink below these waves or should we die upon this sea, though doubts arise like groaning storms, we will be borne and born again.
Then – crack – mast – whip – fall – face – smash – thrown – clear –
(The ocean smiles with loving fangs.)
And shock, and twist, and freezing burn. My inside twists with pain such pain. How did I fall? I cannot swim?! What’s rushing up – how am I here?!
As water floods my mouth and lungs, so too memory floods my mind. And salty water leaves my eyes, and mingles deep within my throat.
I weep and taste and choke it now, I cannot close my eyes. It’s claws are harsh they’re prying loose, it rips life open – open wide.
And now at last I feel awake – as I die I’m so alive. Sharpened fear and sharpened claws, both sharpening my mind.
I see it all again from here, with every breath I cannot breathe. With sail in hand I’d fled my storms, though there was grace within the gale.
(Oh what a fool I was to run.)
(I stopped breathing long ago.)
(I should have sunk so long before. And drowned in truth, in truth.)
I do so now.
You should not sail far from such pain. Sails slack just so, just so. Fangs of love, smiling cold. Ocean deep, come take me.
A peace in peaceless death? Not quite. Or maybe just… maybe?
For though I drown beneath these waves, and slip deep down beneath the sea, though broken ships are far away, in salt I taste eternity.