A Day in the Library

This is great. I’ve got 5 hours today. I’m gonna get loads of quality work done! Lesson plans, say your prayers.

Let’s do this.

History book… Page one…. Contents….

OK I’m bored.

Oh well. Good hustle.

(That really didn’t last very long)

What’s my friend doing over there? Studying? BALLS! He used to be cool! (snort in derision)

Surely I can’t be the only one with such a short attention span?!

Oh look, that girl over there is fairly hot ūüôā

I shall study to impress her. (I know how girls’ minds work)

Step one: photocopy stuff! That’s gotta be productive.

Jump down the stairs oh wait that wasn’t 3 steps that was 4 OUCH that was a LOUD bang quick dive through the door before anyone sees me and OK, that was fine. Nothing to see here. What was that bang? HA! Don’t look at me! I don’t know – I’m too busy reading Shakespeare. He really does write fantastic drama. Try it sometime. Now, if you will excuse me, these plays won’t read themselves (haughty guffaw)…

I am a master of disguise.

6 euro for a photocopying card?! SCOUNDRELS! (I really did read Shakespeare) Charge it to the family account. Mwhahahahaha!!!

You know, I’ve never even used this photocopier before. Seeing as this is third year, that’s probably a very bad sign. How do you even work these things anyway? I need to get a¬†secretary.

MORE COFFEE JANICE!!!

Nyyyyyyum! Nyyyyyyum! This is great fun! Who needs a book when you can just photocopy 30 pages on the ancient romans?

You don’t need to staple books.

(Book bindings: supporting publisher monopoly throughout the entire known world.)

Who is this¬†com-padre¬†standing behind me? Admiring fan? Admittance to fan club is on a strictly prettiness-based basis base. Is this one hot? … (spin around sensually) Yoyo what’s up gir – ARGH IT’S A MAN! ADMITTANCE DENIED!! 2 pages of notes? Think I will let you in before me? I’m afraid, sir, you will just have to wait! Ancient Rome¬†accommodates¬†no man! Do as the Romans do, my friend, do as the Romans do.

There’s really only so many pages one can print.

OK new plan: if I go over and talk to someone I’d probably be doing them a favor. They’re just as bored as me, right? They’d welcome a chance to be pointlessly distracted!

Ah look, here’s a likely victim…

Nope. No. She’s doing a good diligent job at studying. DAMMIT! Let’s lie and pretend we’re really interested in the anagamanical extrinsicating methodology (you know, the one where 5 and a half students all study different topics at the same time but actually really study the same ones that are different then talk to themselves through different people to realize they weren’t actually studying the same thing at all yet still have the same answer to different yet eerily similar questions? … OK… Yep, mark that down as another class of teacher exposition. Methodology? More like BALLSodology! HA! I should be teaching comedy).

Kevin – snap out of it! Stop monologizing and start screen-of-mirrorsifizing!

Yeah but no but yeah have you got any work done no I haven’t I know sure it’s tough going I’m slaving away OK off to slave away some more haha I’m really productive ha but no but really but yeah I love this stuff. Ha. This is it. You know yourself.

Thank God I can improvise like a pro. Bad lesson planning hones the skillz. Z for snores. (or should i say… Znorez?…)

Back to the seat.

After brief reflection, realize something astounding:

That was a productive ten minutes. It’s time for a coffee break. I deserve… 20 minutes off. She’ll still be here when I get back; and I work on a 200% reward structure. If you don’t reward yourself for doing nothing then who else will? Above all else, affirm your students. And your most important student is you.

Add that one to the learning outcomes.

Did you know that chocolate has the dual purpose of rewarding you for what you have just done (nothing) and comforting you over what you’re about to (not) do? It’s like hindsight – but delicious.

Maybe I should go back and work…

If I walk up the stairs more quietly than this girl in front of me then I will get a medal.

Where did the hot girl go?!? DAMMIT SHE’S GONE!!! Coming back was a terrible mistake!!!

What if she’s at the table tennis table? :O¬†(She doesn’t look the type but, well, one can never be too sure)

Better check.

To the table tennis table! But wait, the first years have broken the only table tennis ball. Again. ARGH!! Animals!!

Plan foiled. Back to the library.

Table tennis incident faithfully recorded, I have a new mission in life: to glare menacingly at all the first years. GRRR!!! Ball crushing fiends! They stole my woman! And they don’t even notice me glaring!! Butter wouldn’t melt! (footnote: Shakespeare) How are they so engrossed in their work?! They love studying and hate table tennis balls. That’s not natural.

Thank God I’m not a first year anymore.

… wait…

What if the hot girl’s a first year?

Mind = fucked. (Shakespeare was never very good at maths)

But I am an open-minded man; first year or not,¬†I’d anagamanically extrinsicate her.

(Pause to sigh for lost love)

But wait! Stall the ball! There she is at the photocopying machine! All was not in vain!

Hurrah! Hurrah! And Hurrah! once more!

JANICE: SOME PRIVACY PLEASE!!!

And so, the master of disguise strikes again.

(I seduce almost as well as I obfuscate)

Well hey there! ūüėČ Let me help you with that, girl!

(My God she’s gorgeous!)

[ADMISSION ACCEPTED!!!]

Study = done.

And wait!

(Bated breath)

What’s this she’s reading?!?

SHAKESPEARE!!!

:O

I am in love ūüôā

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