Beautiful Women and Speedy Dragons

[Last night I had an exceptionally strange dream. It stood out to me so much that I can even remember most of it now–hours after the event. I figured I’d transcribe everything that I remember so that you could enjoy this rather odd dream too. I typed this out in one go and I’ve kept the editing to a bare minimum, so as to keep this as authentic as possible. Any incoherency in this post is completely intentional; it is a dream after all!]

My recollection of the dream begins with my cousin Conor dragging me along to a really fancy dinner party. We’re dressed in nice suits and we’re in a really fancy restaurant which is completely empty. We sit down at this long table covered in a white tablecloth with silver furnishings. Then other people start appearing as if they’ve been there all along.

There is a beautiful blonde opposite me (simple, elegant, beautiful) and she’s starts talking to me immediately, ignoring everyone else. We get on very well and have an extremely intelligent conversation, and I can’t help but feel that there could be romance budding. (This is interesting because I don’t usually go for blondes at all.). This goes on for a while. [In fact, I think another woman appeared at one stage but then I forgot about her and she just disappeared again. It’s all rather vague!]

Mid-conversation, a young stressed-looking man comes along and sits down beside me and tells me we have to talk urgently. So we leave (I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to the blonde!) and somehow arrive in a dark laboratory/office building. We’re on the top floor, completely alone.

At this stage I also realize that I am a wizard.

So we’re walking through this floor of abandoned rooms and I realize that I know it’s the Wizards’ HQ – and that it’s abandoned because all the other wizards are dead. The chap who is with me is the new chief wizard. (I briefly wonder why he’s still using an office at the back of the building instead of moving into one of the now-vacated nicer ones. I conclude that it must be a sign of respect.) We reach his office and he ushers me inside.

It’s a normal office and he lays out his master-plan for me on his desk. [He brilliantly uses some action figures to portray this.] This is the deal: we’re the only two wizards left and we’re fighting some evil monster. Apparently the evil thing has killed all the other wizards but this has had the counter-effect of revealing his location to us. It’s time for the final battle!

I hesitantly raise the objection that there could be another force that we don’t know about that could interfere. I demonstrate this theory using a zombie figure who comes up behind our two figures and proceeds to attack them. (Complete with sound effects provided by yours truly.) The chief is unimpressed and throws the zombie on the floor. I pick it up and start attacking our figures again. He shakes his head and throws it on the floor. I pick it up. [This goes on for quite a while!]

Suddenly the door of the room blasts open and a MASSIVE DRAGON somehow flies into the room, turns into the beautiful woman from the party for a millisecond, drops an envelope on the table, then turns back into a dragon and blasts out of the room again. This all happens in less than a second; I’m totally gobsmacked and don’t know what’s going on.

The chief looks at the message, shakes his head, and mutters to himself (I remember this bit distinctly), “This is most unusual.”

I ask him to explain, and he tells me that we were just given a message by the great dragon Penelope. [Baffling, I know!] The chief frowns at the message and I consider asking him what it says.

Before I do so I feel a brief moments sadness as I realize that my wonderful conversation with the woman at the party was not what I thought it was. Was she just talking to me as part of some subtle dragon scheme? Was she trying to protect me? I wistfully wonder if she might still love me despite being an immortal dragon…

And then I wake up.

[So there you have it: my crazy dream. If any of you amateur psycho-analysts out there want to try to explain this to me then you’re more than welcome (I must have a lot of deeply troubling unresolved mental issues!). Personally though, I’m rather hoping there’s a sequel tonight. Bonne nuit!]

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Some Thoughts: Relationships

In this article I want to share some of my thoughts on relationships. Needless to say, I’m no expert on this issue, but I hope that I have at least picked up some insights over time (vicariously or otherwise).

One of the things that I had wrong when I was a kid was that I took relationships too seriously. As a young teenager I thought that you entered into a relationship with someone because you thought that that relationship had a serious chance of resulting in marriage. It seems quite silly looking back on it now. Admittedly, I do still feel this same way in some regards – I would still say that if your relationship is going nowhere then it is effectively dead. But I would also now say that a relationship is a kind of step into the unknown; it’s about coming to know someone better. You don’t need to know the person super well; that’s what relationships are for! Your relationship should only be as serious as is appropriate for it to be. At the start of a new relationship you aren’t committing to marriage, you’re only committing to finding out more about a person that you like. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out and that’s fine. If it does work out then great! That’s what everyone is searching for 🙂 Continue reading

What Women Want: Attempt 2

Gulp!

Men: dire news! My first attempt at explaining what women want has been a categorical failure! Not 12 hours ago, when I had just finished writing said post, I made my first attempt to put my new-found understanding into action.

I barely escaped with my life.

In order that you may avoid a similar fate, I have undertaken this second attempt at explaining womens’ most closely guarded needs and desires. May it guide you in your path to ravishment. Continue reading